This week we are going to talk about breasts, nudity, trains  and the RMA.

It’s basic journalism really – start with the interesting stuff and then kind of peter out at the end with the things people need to know but can’t be arsed reading about.

They call it the inverted triangle.

Evidence of this is found in most comments sections of any major media website. People read the first three words of the headline and then launch into a half-baked tirade that completely sidesteps any of the facts that have been meticulously presented lower down in the article.

So, it’s all titillation first up as I endeavour to be a responsible journalist.

Normally you don’t use this type of language when talking about fund raisers for breast cancer but the Breast Cancer Support Service Tauranga Trust started it, so I’m covered.

I actually have an excellent serious face, and have used it often in the past when I’ve been assigned to this very subject. Prostate cancer fundraisers are another matter because men don’t talk about anything serious that affects them without being silly about it.

Naked ambition

In what can only be described as naked ambition, the Breast Cancer Support Service Tauranga Trust has adopted this tactic to get more men involved and organised the Nude Dude Swim.

In the “early evening” of February 26, men are invited to find a private place and go for a swim. The idea is that you are sponsored by your family and friends or whoever else you don’t mind offending and this money goes towards the important work of the trust.

According to the website; “The Nude Dude Swim is a 100m swim without your clothes. It’s a non-spectator event and is open to anyone over the age of 18.”

Before entertaining such an undertaking, I would like a few curly questions answered. For starters the 2018 Census counted 150,366 males in the Bay of Plenty. I doubt if there are that many private swimming holes 100 metres long. The ramifications of this gives me goose bumps, especially in high density areas.

Secondly, how do you get people to pay up? Are they just supposed to honour your words and fork out the cash or is evidence required? More details please. Don’t just leave us hanging.

All bound for Auckland

Right, now let’s get back on track – literally – with the newly announced Hamilton to Auckland passenger train service.

I initially thought this would be good for all those farmers out there who need to milk their cows in the morning before hurrying back to their apartment in the Viaduct in the evening.

However, on closer inspection, the times appear to be designed the other way around. People can travel to work in Auckland during the day and be back on their North Waikato lifestyle block with enough daylight to comb the curls out of their alpacas.

It will take 98 minutes to get from Hamilton to Papakura, which is only 36 minutes longer than it takes to drive. Altogether, including connecting trains it will take 2 hours and 45 minutes to get to Britomart in central Auckland. Therefore commuters will only spend a quarter of their day sitting on a train, or three quarters of a normal eight hour shift to normal people who live in normal parts of the country.

None of this is of any use whatsoever to people in the Bay of Plenty, although we continue to hold out hope that someone will poke another hole through the Kaimai Range so we can drive more trains through it.

Most boring of all

Lastly, and most boringly, I want to turn your attention to the Resource Management Act. Nobody can say for sure what the RMA is – it is 800 pages of legislation after all – but we all know it is fundamentally flawed. It slows down development and the fees associated with it make up a fairly big chunk of any new house or commercial development.

To speed things up, this single piece of legislation will be split into three different laws; The Natural and Built Environments Act, the Strategic Planning Act and the Climate Change Adaptation Act.

Very, very boring stuff. It will take several years to implement and several more to make any difference. But it is probably the most significant change the Government will make this term.

Anyway, I’m off to check for eels in the Kaituna River. I’ll read the details later.

Daniel Hutchinson
From The Hutch