“So does Winnie want to rule Hundred Acre Wood?” asked Piglet.
“Yes, don’t we all?” said Eeyore.
“But none of us can do it alone. We have to pick sides.”
“So do you want to rule the Hundred Acre Wood?” asked Piglet.
“Yes of course,” stomped Eeyore, feeling a little miffed that Piglet might only rate her third most likely.
“But why can’t you?” asked the confused Piglet.
“Because that would only work if Winnie and Owl and I teamed up in a threesome.”
“Will he do that?” asked Piglet.
“Who knows? Ask the bear.”
Not letting up, Piglet then demanded to know why, if there had been an election, that Winnie seemed to be calling the shots and not the voters.
“That’s how the Hundred Acre Wood system works. It’s called Emempee. Not to be confused with Eminem.
“Some of the animals had made that mistake already and it hadn’t ended well.
“So where is Winnie?” asked Piglet.
“Why has he gone ﬁshing when there’s a decision to be made?” asked Piglet.
“Because that’s just what bears do.”
Eeyore wasn’t sure if that was the right answer, but at least it shut the little shite up for a while.
They kept walking.
“What about Owl?
“Couldn’t you and Owl and Winnie take sides and scrape in?” suggested Piglet.
“No, I doubt Winnie and Owl would get along around the table. They are just poles apart, philosophically.
“Just like you and I,” offered the Piglet.
Eeyore didn’t answer. But both knew they’d never team up to run Hundred Acre Wood.
The Heffalump Hole
Sensing that Eeyore’s conﬁdence was a bit sapped from the heady days of the election build up, Piglet pried a little deeper.
“Did you really think you’d be in charge, Eeyore?”
“Well, it was looking hopeful for a while there,” the big donkey’s eyes welling up a Little.
“So what changed,” asked Piglet, hoping he wasn’t getting too close to a raw nerve.
“Everything was going well until Tigger started talking about the Heffalump Hole.”
“So there was a Heffalump Hole?” Piglet glanced about nervously and trembling a bit.
“No, that’s what Tigger told everyone. But there’s no such thing as a Heffalump Hole.
“There isn’t even a Heffalump that I know of.”
Almost believing her own assertion, Eeyore cast a nervous eye behind, just in case.
Piglet didn’t want to appear scared, but he believed Tigger too.
He thought Eeyore was just trying to skirt around the Heffalump Hole. And he knew that if the Heffalump Hole was found, then the voters would back Christopher Robin and Tigger, and he might be invited along to help. And they could do it all without Winnie.
It was lonely being the only Piglet left in Hundred Acre Wood. He didn’t want to end up like the Te Woozles. The last of them sadly disappeared in the election. They were now standing outside the Hundred Acre Wood because someone had taken all their special seats. Friends of Eeyore’s.
“So when is Winnie going to decide who to take sides with?” pondered Piglet.
“When someone brings out the biggest hunny pot,” answered Eeyore frankly.
“Where are you going to ﬁnd that?” asked Piglet.
“Why do you think we’re staggering around this friggin wood, you irritating little capitalist twerp.”
Piglet sensed that Eeyore might be getting tired of his relentless questions. He was just thinking up something to change the subject, when suddenly, the donkey disappeared into a huge hole in the ground.
“They didn’t see that coming,” mused Tigger, from the side of the Heffalump Hole.